If I wander till I die, may I know who's hand I'm in...

It's been a while since I have posted anything on here! It's 3am and I cannot sleep...so sometimes emptying your mind of all your thoughts can help and I can't find my journal :\ I heard that when you can't sleep you should lie down, close your eyes and picture a mailbox. And as you picture that mailbox, take each individual thought that is in your head and put it in the mailbox and eventually you will fall asleep. Haven't tried it yet but maybe I should and I could avoid these 3am awakenings ! Two more days until I get on a plane back to Canada. It has been a couple of the most refreshing weeks I have experienced in a while! I'll be sad to leave it behind, just something about me being here feels kind of normal. Not normal enough to want to stay for good, but normal right now. But I don't want to feel normal ! I remember hearing someone say 'God works best when we are uncomfortable'. And I think that He wants to work in me in that way. I think I need to travel, to meet new people, to feel afraid and alone, to have to completely trust in Him alone. I've lived such a comfortable life for so long, especially the last year and a half. Nothing has changed. I've had the same friends, never really trying to meet anyone new. I've done the same things at church, gone to the same places over and over. Everything has been so safe ! And I haven't really budged in my relationship with God. I feel like I need to meet new people, in new places and I will begin to grow massively in all areas of my life. It's such a scary thought but I really want to make that my goal right now. One of my biggest fears is to be alone, to leave the people who make me feel 'safe' behind. It's absolutely terrifying to me but I've learned in the last month (very slowly) that when things change, when the people that once made you feel safe don't anymore, when the 'sames' in life are now gone that I can survive ! It's hard yes, but it's not impossible ! I feel like a stronger person, like I can accomplish more. I don't have to be afraid. I remember singing a really old hymn back in the day which said 'Be not afraid, I go before you always, come follow me and I will give you rest'. It's funny how relevant those words seem now...I never would have dreamed a few months ago that I would be so afraid to live my life because everything in it was solid, there was no change, I didn't need to be scared. But now, I know God has some crazy things planned for my life, He placed some crazy desires into my heart a long time ago and now, I'm finally beginning to live out those desires and I am VERY afraid. But I know He will go before me, always and He will give me rest through it.