Stronger.

Phewww. The last few months have been a time for me to reflect, grow and learn in every aspect of my life. But man, have they been hard. The dynamics of every relationship I have with all my friends and family has changed drastically and some hard conversations have had to happen to make things right again. On top of this, we lost our precious Arlynne, a beautiful woman of God who inspired not only me but many others. To say the least, I think I have had to fully give everything I have, everything I am, all of me to God to make it through. It's been harder than almost any other period in my life that I can think of but I know that although I had my doubts, He has never left my side. I was reminded yesterday at Arlynne's funeral service by the song "Yet, I will praise You."

I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my brokenness
I will praise You Lord
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my desperation
I will praise You Lord

And I can't understand
All that You allow
I just can't see the reason
But my life is in Your hands
And though I cannot see You
I choose to trust You

Even when my heart is torn I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even when I feel deserted I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even in my darkest valley I will praise (trust) You Lord
And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God
Even in my loneliness
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even when I cannot hear You
I will trust You Lord

And I will not forget
That You hung on a cross
Lord You bled and died for me
And if I have to suffer
I know that You've been there

And I know that You're here now

 

Every single word seems completely applicable. I realize that although there have been many times where I have felt like I couldn't make it through the dark nights, where the loneliness has seemed unbearable, God has been right there, by my side and I HAVE gotten through it, because of His strength in me. I am beginning to build on my relationship with Him more and more every day and learning about Him in every opportunity. I want to be the best version of myself, I want to fill whatever void inside of me with His love, His mercy and grace. And the only way to do this is if I focus my life 100% on studying His word, on craving to know Him more and more.